Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize