I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
