Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
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