so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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