if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
