I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
