I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
