Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
