Got a toothbrush?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
