cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
