so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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