Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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