I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
