My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
