i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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