you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
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I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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