You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
