i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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