we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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