Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
