I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
