how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
