You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize