i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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