I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
