best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
