that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
