Having a random hookup so left but love u
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
