I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize