hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
