why didn't you poke me back
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
