I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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