So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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