And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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