There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
did i walk over a car last night?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize