If you die in college, do you die in real life?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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