I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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