I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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