I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
