so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
and she was petting her beer can
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
