My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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