Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
