I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
