break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
The Olympian is in my bed
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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