We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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