I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
