Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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