I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
