You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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