he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
