My Higher Power is John Stamos
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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