I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
