i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize