And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
