I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
