dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
oh god was she eating orange peels again
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
