what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
