You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I made him laugh his dick is mine
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
