I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
she looked like the before picture.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize