Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
